i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
