ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
