I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
