alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
