tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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