remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
