Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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