Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
