the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
