I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
