Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
