i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
