my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
