I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
