His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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