I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it glows. i had to have it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
