TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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