You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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