who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
