Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
