writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
