so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
