You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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