he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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