I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize