CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
