We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
