Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
