there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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