Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
