I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize