I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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