Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
