highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize