Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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