Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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