i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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