I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Randomize
