I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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