but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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