I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
