I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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