Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
