living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
