Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Too much gin, very little bucket
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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