I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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