Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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