turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
