He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
