were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He did a backflip because drugs
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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