I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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