You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize