do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
