I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
