I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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