When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
