She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
