my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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