I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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