A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
