my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
