i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Quick, to the slutcave!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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