Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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