if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
