Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
