***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
