Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
