shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
