I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
